Today’s blog is further thoughts on my previous post. Yesterday I wrote about an occasion when President George H.W. Bush put Rev. Billy Graham in the hot seat by asking a provoking question in an emotional environment. The truth is, if you are a growing believer, you will from time to time find yourself in the hot seat, especially if you are a pastor!
We, as believers, then need to be prepared for when these occasions arise. In that light, I offer some thoughts on discerning the nature of why you find yourself in the hot seat and hopefully some helpful guidance as to how to respond in a Christlike manner.
First, discerning why you are in the hot seat. Actually, this is not so difficult to do. There will be clear and visible indications to help you understand “why” this particular question has been launched at you at this particular time. It comes down to two factors; context and attitude.
It should be stated clearly upfront that being placed in the hot seat does not always stem from antagonism. Sometimes people are genuinely struggling to understand Scripture or life and are sincerely asking for help when asking explosive questions. This is why it is so crucial to discern the “why” behind the question.
Context. Usually, genuine seekers of truth will approach you alone because their concern is a private matter or struggle. Whereas, occasionally when people group together and ask question after question in rapid succession, they are not after truth. They are looking for debate, argument, or to disprove you. For example, Nicodemus came to Jesus by night, alone, because he was sincerely seeking to know more about Jesus and his message. The Pharisees, however, would come to Jesus in groups seeking to discredit Him and His message.
It is true, this is not always the case. Sometimes people will approach you on their own in order to disprove or blame you. In addition, sometimes you will be in a group when a hot-button question is proposed to you, but from a sincere desire for truth. This is why we need to discern not only from context but from attitude as well.
Attitude. Along with context, we can discern the motivation for emotionally-charged questions by taking note of the attitude in which the question is asked. When someone asks a question from a stance of pride, it is clearly noticeable. The look on their face and the tone of their voice says, “I know more than you do. Now answer this loaded question and you will see that I am right!”
Anger is another giveaway. If someone has reached the boiling point, they do not wish to sit and dialogue with you. When they raise a question while raising their voice, they seek not truth. They seek agreement. They seek to win an argument. They seek your surrender.
However, pride and anger are not the only motivations for controversial questioning. Sincerity is often the chief motivating factor. When this is the case, you can see it in their eyes; you can hear it in their voice. They have not come to you to tear you down. They have come to plead for help. They have come for guidance. They have come desperately desiring to know the truth.
Two living examples quickly come to mind. I have often set with people in counseling situations where they have asked me hard questions. I knew the answer that I should give was NOT the answer they would like to hear. I also knew, though, they sincerely wanted the truth more than to be appeased. The seat was still hot. But the air was certainly diffused when I knew by the look on their face that they wanted God’s Word on the matter, even if it was difficult to accept.
On the other hand, I have attended a few meetings in which this was not the case. The unspoken agenda was far different than seeking to know or understand a position but was rather to dismantle it.
Therefore, discerning the nature of why you are in the hot seat is only half of the issue. We must then know how we should respond in Christlike fashion.
Second, we must respond in a way that glorifies God when we find ourselves in the hot seat. There is no greater example than Christ Himself. So let’s turn to Him for guidance first for the sincere questioner and then for the antagonist.
The Sincere Seeker. Think back to Nicodemus. How did Jesus respond? He certainly didn’t water down the truth in order not to offend Nicodemus. He certainly didn’t beat Nicodemus up with the truth either. He firmly, lovingly, and truthfully told one of the most religious men of his day, “You must be born again!”
We will certainly experience moments like this when the person asking the question makes answering the question very difficult. For example, when a couple asks about remarriage and you happen to hold the minority view. Or an individual enslaved to sin justifies his sin in the form of a question. What do you do when you know the answer that you must give according to your conscience and your understanding of Scripture just may greatly offend this person? What if this person is the church’s largest contributor? What if this person is a personal friend of the family? What do you do?
First, you point the person to the Scripture to diffuse the personal nature of the conversation. In other words, explain how God’s Word must be our guide in these matters and that this is not personal. Show them passages of Scripture that speak to the issue raised. Let the Bible answer the question before you address it! Second, lovingly affirm the Bible. Third, encourage the person to believe and apply God’s Word. Fourth, pledge your support to help them walk out this area of life. Fifth, pray with them specifically on the issue from the standpoint of Scripture and the promises of God!
Let the Bible take over the conversation. You will find the seat becoming less heated and the atmosphere more inviting as the Spirit begins a work in the heart from the Word.
The Antagonist Person or Group. Again, if we look to Jesus we discover three ways in which He responded. Clearly, different situations called for varying responses from the Lord. We too will discover that our circumstance will determine our response to intentionally provoking questions.
First, at times Jesus would openly, boldly rebuke His accusers like when He called them “white-washed tombs” and “a brood of vipers.” He surely was holding nothing back on those occasions. Notice carefully however, He was not so much answering their questions as He was revealing the nature of their hearts behind the questions. Again, He knew they were not after truth, and His response was meant to prove to them that He knew their hearts!
We must take great caution in responding in this fashion, namely because we are prone to respond in the flesh. The purpose of this response is to expose a sinful heart. If you can do that in a gentle manner, in the Spirit, without raising your voice, and the occasion requires it, then do so. Make sure though, you always speak the truth in love.
Second, at times Jesus would respond to antagonistic questions with His own question. For example, the chief priests and elders asked Jesus by what authority was He doing these things. Jesus responded, “I will also ask you one question, and if you tell me the answer, then I also will tell you by what authority I do these things.”
Jesus turned the tables on his opponents by asking them a question in response to their question. If you recall the story, they wouldn’t answer and so neither did the Lord. This is the wisest response for us but if you are like me, it is also the most difficult one. I am not quick on my feet. I am the kind of person that needs time to ruminate and meditate. The number of times I have thought, “I wish I would have said” are innumerable! However, if you are quick-witted, as was Charles Spurgeon, you can approach hot-button issues from insincere motivations this way. It not only exposes the heart but deflates the head as well!
Third, on some occasions, Jesus simply remained silent in the face of His accusers. This was of course during the illegal trials before His crucifixion when He was being falsely charged. He was fulfilling Scripture for sure, but there is a lesson for us here as well. Jesus knew it was His time to depart. He also knew their minds were made up and nothing He said or did was going to change them. In fact, the few times He did speak, they only grew the more fierce.
Learn this lesson well. If you try to explain or defend your position or thoughts, only to be interrupted, shouted down, or dismissed, the time for discussion is clearly over. It is not going to take place in that environment. Sometimes, it’s just better to remain silent, let them have their say, and walk away. It is a much better witness for the Lord to leave in a gentle manner than to respond with heated argument.
Remember, the goal in our conversation is to glorify the Lord. You can do that with words and with demeanor. Remember also, it is not about you. It is about Truth. It is about God’s Word. It is about Christ and the Gospel. Don’t take it personally. Jesus prayed, “Father, forgive them” for the very ones who cried for His crucifixion. By His grace, we can do the same.
Discern the motivation. Respond in a Christlike manner. That’s what we must do when the seat grows extremely hot!!!!!!!!!!
